Five annoying things that all footballers do
When they’re
not dazzling us with displays of brilliance and wowing us with forty-yard
screamers that rifle into the top corner, footballers have some annoying
habits. But we’re so used to watching them do it all the time, that we’ve
probably just got used to it. Here’s five of the worst.
1.
Blast it upfield, straight from kick off.
Whoever
invented this mastermind way of losing possession must have won some sort of
award for his contributions to football. Ever see it where the kick-off is
taken, passed back to the central midfielder, and he boots it up to the left
wing, hoping that 5 foot 5 Jim on the flank is going to bring it down and go on
a wonder run? Yeah? That’s cause they do it all the time. This one is a
baffler. Why not keep possession and actually try and make something of the
game? If you know what the gaffer’s thinking, when 80% of the time, the pass
goes out for a throw in, kindly let me in on the secret. Cheers.
2.
Hi-Five everyone on the bench after they’ve
been substituted
I’m all for
team morale right, but after the lone striker’s been replaced in the 80th
minute after missing a penalty and slicing a sitter over the bar, what’s the
need? There’s about thirty players and staff in that dugout, and when the
camera pans over to the bonding session off the field of play, I think everyone’s
just hoping that the subbed player actually gets round to Dave on the third row
back. He’s been sitting with his hand out like a dog for at least thirty
seconds.
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The size of dug-outs these days means that footballers spend more time being congratulated for playing than they actually do on the pitch |
3.
Kick the ball away after
they’ve given away a free kick
Undoubtedly
one of the most teeth grinding, knuckle-clenching annoyances that plagues the
beautiful game, this one comes in many forms. There’s the ‘hold on to the ball
and run back to your own half before dropping it’ version, and of course the ‘throw
it to the opposition so they can take a throw in, but just accidentally chuck it eight metres to their right.’ People talk
about sportsmanship, but what’s the fun in back-heeling the ball when you run
past it, when you jolly well know the centre back is about to take the free
kick? It’s so common that it’s just become second nature to most players, as
common as lacing up their boots before they go on the pitch. Laughably, that
means that they even kick the ball away when their team are 1-0 down in the 85th
minute, forgetting that wasting time isn’t going to help their cause at all.
Seriously though, it wastes time. Referees need to stop it.
4.
Lie on the ground when they
celebrate
Everyone
loves a good goal celebration, but after you’ve done a knee slide or a belly
slide, would you just get up off the ground? It’s a bit cringey to watch fellow
players jog over to the goalscorer lying prone on the floor, only to bend over
and pat them on the back or stand their clapping while they wait for their
team-mate to get back to their feet. It’d be alright if the players jumped in
for a pile on, but they’re a thing of the past. Players have too much
masculinity to protect these days.
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Pile-ons: Ancient history |
5.
Pick the ball up after they
score
Another one
that’s all in good taste is the ‘picking the ball up after you’ve scored but
your team are behind’ thing. It’s another one that’s become such a habit, that
players now do it under ridiculous circumstances. There’s a few things that don’t
work with this one. Firstly, picking the ball out of the net ain’t gonna make
the game go any quicker, because the opposition team kick off, and they can
walk as slow as they want to. Secondly, it’s not the greatest advert for a
player’s hardman status when they go to grab the ball and end up getting into a
scrap with a 6-foot-5 goalkeeper, who holds the ball above their head so they
can’t get it like an annoying uncle. And finally, doing it when your team are
5-1 down in the 90th minute ain’t gonna change anything either. The game’s
over, mate. You’ve lost.
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